Tell me , The truth
by Lost-Inside-You
Summary: Months had passed me by . My depression gradually taking over day by day , At the lost memories of you , Of what was to believe we had .  All I do is lay , Wonder , Question .
1. P r e v i e w

Months had passed me by . My depression gradually taking over day by day , At the lost memories of you , Of what was to believe we had .

All I do is lay , Wonder , Question .

_ " Do you ever think of me anymore , Even just alittle . ? "_

_

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_

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Chapter one :

( P r e v i e w )

Sometimes my memories become too much , take over , drive me to insane measures .

Always run away , that's always the best option , Right ? .

No . ? , Oh , It's transcendent for me .

It has been the end of such A chaotic school year , I had gone through so much , Eh I get over it ... but there was one thing I could not get over ...  
love , love is the word , love for an amazing boy that had captured me at first sights , like angles from the hevans , .

Now I just cry , Just more questions slipping through my one tracked mind .

Why ? , Why did he start treating me so strangely after I told him those three little words ,_ " ... I love you . "_

* * *

_**Well , Here we go again . **_

_**making new stories , loll . **_

_**Sowwy , it's been so long , this ish the worst thing ive evar written but , ive got the whole rest of the story right up here , & taps side of mai head * ; **_

_**All that I have to do ish type , Type away . :D , Woah that was ... not even kewl ... ? . lmaoo , . **_

_**Well I just hope youh enjoy I'm back , .**_

_**(: . **_

_**Ohh , & sowwy about the NaruHina-ness in / will become in this story , It couldn't be yaoi , Sowwy , You'll understand why in a few more chapters (; . **_


	2. R e a s o n s

.

_It began with a glance , And grew into something much more ._

* * *

/

Chapter Two ,

( R e a s o n s )

\

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That day I saw him , I never knew what I was getting myself into , but you know , I wouldn't have aspired it any other way .

Just knowing him was the best possible thing to ever betide me .

I liked him when I saw him , I liked him when we met , And I derived to like him more & more eachday that transpired by , Till ultimately , Before I could scantily realize it , I was in love . Not like " Puppy love " or lust either , I'm talking about the kind of love where you'd be willing to die for this person , .

You know , ? .

It's just something you know if you've felt it before yourself .

I just loved ... Everything , about him , . His laugh , his smile , his personality , his voice , his hugs , his texts , . Stop me now I could go on forever . , Anything you could think of , Even things others scorned , I absolutely canonized about him .

The feelings I would get when I'm around him ... It was like everything & anything you could ever feel covered in a warmth of safeness & security ...

Simply amazing . I just yearn for him so much .

Every minute was like joy , Though every second away was like perishing all over again .

I always pondered , Did he really know ? , All these things I felt for him ? . And even if he did discern it , the slightest , Did he care ? .

No calls , No texts , Nothing .

I guess not ...

Maybe that's what hurt the most , The fact he never cared , ...

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/

**I think im failing on this story , loll , **

**idk though , **

**Its just i haven't written in sooo long , i don't know what im doing anymore loll . **

**Welll , Till chapter Three ... Which I hope will be much better . ! .**

**_Songs listened to while writing ; ( Ppl wanted meh to start doing this again ) -_**

_~ Behind These Hazel Eyes . [ _Kelly Clarkson_ ]  
_

_~ All To Myself . [_ Marianas Trench_ ]  
_

**(: .**


	3. A t t e m p t e d

_It had been happening like this for awhile now ; _

_Everytime I started to think about never seeing him again , I'd always resort to my trusty razors ._

* * *

Time went on & on , I was hastily loosing faith ;

In myself , Feelings , Even life itself was starting to become a distant blur to me .

Yet , I never once diminished anything I had for him , No , Never him .  
Though he had lied & left me completely broken , He was still him , The guy I had fallen in love with . Nothing would or will ever change that ,

Amazing , Trustful , Always him .

I slowly began progressing on , without him .

I started to feel more "normal" , Well defining normal as morbidly chipper ? .

After some time I had gone to such intense everyday therapy things , That kind of I don't even know how to put it , Maybe messed with me more . ? .

You see ; I was a fucked up kid ,

Last year ; I used to , Cut , Smoke , Party , Get high , Take pills , Skip classes , Fail , Drop out , Talk back , Get suspended ... Alot . Even at one point , punch my own parents ;  
Yes , I was indeed a natural hell raiser .

Why , you ask ? .

Honestly ... To forget ; So much had transpired & become of me , Nothing I did worked , Maybe that's why I was so willing to try anything ... I don't even know to this day .

All I know is , I was bad , Especially with that cutting problem , There was never a period where my body had a clear spot on it .

It was either fresh , Dark red lines of blood or fading , Pink marks ... everywhere , .

It was like ... I just missed him , So much .

You know ? .

Oh , Yeah , Of course you don't , Your not demented like me ...

Actually , I hit overboard maniacal ;

I remember , One night ...

My minds still at a daze to it now .

I close my eyes , It's like living it over again , I remember jerking out of sleep sobbing ,

That was happening alot ;

He would appear in my dreams , then minutes later I'd wake up with tears welling , Being fully aware of the fact it wasn't real , & I couldn't bear to face the reality of never seeing him again ;  
Never see his face , never feel his securing arms around me , or hear that voice ...

All the thoughts I have , just intruding through my brain , I couldn't handle it , I just rushed straight to that razor , I remember sitting down , then the next thing I knew , I was shaking & both of my legs were covered in gushing blood .

Maybe that's when I lost the final straw , No , I don't think it was that , Because now that I think about it , After that intense cutting I laid down once again , In a desperate attempt for some needed slumber , I don't think I fell asleep though , I remember writing a note ;

Not exactly sure what it said word for word but I did mention how I just couldn't go on , & I'm only happy when in my dreams so that's where I must be .

I mentioned family , love , My goodbyes ; Put the pink paper on my desk , for anyone that cared to find it later .

I cried as I walked myself to my death ...

I had a rope , & tears on my cheeks , Struggling to get it around my neck , I hooked it onto the ceiling wall of the basement ,  
I lifted up my legs preparing to choke , but to my surprise ; Nothing . It didn't do anything , I was off the ground with the rope completely around my neck , & just nothing .

I got down , Sighed , & pretended like nothing even happened ...

I knew it , I knew it myself ; I'd have to go on living , If there was no way to die then .

I made myself believe that I'm already dead ;

Dead without him .

& Sure enough , It was the truth .

* * *

**I still believe im failing on this , loll . **

**Woww , How i wish i was better at writing . **

**Eh , Idk i guess . **

**Buhbaii . (: .**

Songs Listened to while writing : 

**Never Too Late . **_Three Days Grace_** .  
**

**Hollywood Girl .**_ Drake Bell _**.**_  
_

**Kissin You . **_Miranda Cosgrove_** . **

**All To Myself . **_Marianas Trench _**.  
**


	4. O n l y R e a s o n

_True ; _

_I wanted to forget , but I never wanted him gone forever ._

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I began to shut myself in more and more ,

It was like ;  
Now that he's out of my life , Even as just a friend , What would honestly become of me at this point ? .

He was .. The only reason .  
The only reason ; I take in air , the only reason my heart can beat , The only reason , I live this brought out - - washed up journey called life , What was I without that .

Without him ? .

Nothing .

\\

/

\

/

School was coming to a close soon .

He had , Well , I don't know ; Stopped going , Couldn't go ? .  
Honestly , I don' t recall to this day .

I was dealing with other ' demons ' masked over of what I had felt , I kinda wan' t showing my face in class either , so I just gave up ;  
No , Not just on school , On life .

Really , Why live without the only reason you breathe ? .

Tell me . !  
Aha , Sounds obsessive , I know .  
It wasn't admittedly , We shall name it love .  
Just . Love .

Did I tell anyone these feelings ? . ,  
Eh , Some people - - Some feelings , They didn't understand , Not a single one .

Lust , They'd say , or mean things about him - jerk , asshole , player -

. i g n o r e .

Most ; Questioned why .

Why , Why , Why ? .

I keep the why to myself though ; Too much information I figure , Besides , I barely understand it myself ,  
How would they ? .

* * *

**Alright guys , **

**sorry for the lame , short chapter . **

**I just wanted to show you all , i' m not dead & i haven' t given up on the story . **

**(: .**

**once again - sorry for the horrific chapter ( loll ) , **

**i only worked on it for about 7 minutes & somehow my account logged out when i went to save it , so ugh . i had to re-type what i ( barely ) remembered . Annoying , am i right ? ? . **

**but , the next one will be better , & longer , && up sooner . Promisee . (: . **

**

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**

Song listened to while typing ;

[ Only Girl ( In The World ) ]

{ Falling For You }


End file.
